Twilight

You don't deserve to be lonely. But those drugs you got won't make you feel better. Pretty soon you'll find its the only. Little part of your life you're keeping together.

oh elliott.



x





I found this picture ... interesting.

Sweet tattoos... but on a baby?

Part Of That World

Maybe he's right. Maybe there is something the matter with me. I just don't see how a world that makes such wonderful things, could be bad.

Look at this stuff. Isn't it neat? Wouldn't you think my collection's complete. Wouldn't you think I'm the girl. The girl who has everything. Look at this closet. Clothes unfold. How many wonders can one dresser hold. Looking around here you'd think, sure, she's got everything. I've got headbands and bracelets a plenty. I've got wedges and Free People galore. You want Kenzie shoes? I got twenty. Hah. But who cares. No big deal. I want more.

I want to be, where the city lives. I want to see, wanna see them shopping. Walking around on those, what do you call them? Oh, stilettos. Haha. Walking to class you don't get so far. Backpacks are required for books and backaches. Strolling along down the, what's that word again? Soho street. Up where they spend. Up where they shop. Up where they stay all day in Tiffany's. Wandering free. WIsh I could be. Part of that world.

What would I give, if I could live away from Peoria. WHat would I pay, to spend a day in France. Betcha in Italy, they'd understand. Bet they don't reprimand their daughters. Bright young women. Sick of slummin. Ready to spend. I'm ready to know what the designers know. Ask them my questions and get some answers. What's their desire? And how do I learn. When's it my turn. Wouldn't I love. Love to explore Bergdorf Goodman. Out of Peoria. Wish I could be. Part of that world.

Sigh.



xx kathleen

rain rain go away

what a gloomy monday.

not cool.

10 Things I Hate About You

I hate the way you talk to me,

and the way you cut your hair.

I hate the way you drive my car,

I hate it when you stare.

I hate your big dumb combat boots

and the way you read my mind.

I hate you so much it makes me sick,

it even makes me rhyme.

I hate the way you're always right,

I hate it when you lie.

I hate it when you make me laugh,

even worse when you make me cry.

I hate it when you're not around,

and the fact that you didnt call.

But mostly I hate the way I dont hate you,

not even close

not even a little bit

not even at all.

x

Ca Plane Pour Moi

I <3 this song. Hahahahaha.


Spinach Dip & Crackers = yummm

Khakis = Vomit

a'lskdfja'lsdkfjal'sdfkjas'ldfkjas'ldfkjasdl'fkjasdf


ok. rush weekend.

no boys. no booze. no bars. ... jwysb?


ex oh ex oh ex oh EX

moi

OMFGG You Motherchucker!

Taylurrlegit. I stole it. 

I am constantly listening to music. 24/7. And almost every single song reminds me of a noun (person, place, or thing). 

So I put my Ipod on shuffle and wrote down the first things that came to mind.

Neat-o gang.

.....

Intensity in 10 Cities - Chiodos: London in my tiny little flat, in my cold room, with nothing to do at 5am

Ever So Sweet-The Early November: TJ Elementary School Park with Jon back in HS 

Twilight-Elliott Smith: Laying in bed late at night, falling asleep listening to his whispery voice, crying. (emoooooo) 

Almost Lover-A Fine Frenzy: Candice singing this to me in my room at the Chi Omega house last year. She has a beautiful voice. 

Beautiful-Flickerstick: Greg in his red Audi with the windows down and music blasting. I'm sure we were coming home from one of our late night Steak & Shake outings. 

Falling Slowly-Glen Hansard: Living in London sitting in our flat watching Once with Lo. Drinking wine and eating grilled cheese. 

Far More-The Honorary Title: Watching one of the saddest scenes in One Tree Hill. Lucas just asked Lindsey to marry him and Peyton walks in on it. Her heart is shattered. 

Miserable at Best-Mayday Parade: Long drives in my car. Going no where in particular. 

Alive With the Glory of Love-Say Anything: MSU Road Trip 07 with Lainie

She Doesn't Get it-The Format: Singing acoustic with Adam playing guitar in his apartment 

Fred Jones-Ben Folds: Work

This Ice is Getting Thinner-Death Cab for Cutie: my hot stuffy room at The Dollhouse thinking about my life. and where it's going. and why my cranberry juice is frozen. 

Comfortable-John Mayer: Going to the grocery store late at night Freshman year at BU with Ryan putting random things in my cart trying to be sneaky. 

Fake Plastic Trees-Radiohead: Driving home from O'Hare on New Years Day. Sitting on Adam's porch singing loudly. Clueless.

Keep Breathing-Ingrid Michaelson: Grey's Anatomy. 

Ca Plane Pour Moi-Plastic Bertrand: France. Croissants. Gossip Girl.

The Air We Breathe- Figurines: pipe dreams and foolish scenes.

Beast of Burden-Rolling Stones: my high school perfect boyfriend karl. 

Shake It-Metrostation: Emily and I rockin out everywhere we go.

*I'll update this list later.

In the meantime, I'll dream about Chuck Bass. 

ex oh ex oh

Kathleen

Nicolas is hot.

I just want to stay up all night and watch all the videos from Style.com on the Fall 08 trends section. 

Seriously, I'm in love with all the neatly tailored coats to the gold-stapled dresses from Viktor & Rolf.  Or the mod hats from Louis Vuitton. 

Paris fashion week kills me. Gah. 

Somebody somehow needs to get me there. Puh-Lease.

muahhh

xox

She Said I Would Not Understand.

I'm sorry I had a bad day again.

You should never really walk home alone. And I know that.  But what's a girl to do? I was tired. And wanted to go home. Not fall asleep on an uncomfortable futon in some sketchy off campus house with fraternity guys.

So I said my goodbyes and walked. Alllll the way home. Pretty far. 

Nobody offered to walk me. Nobody said, "Call me so I know you made it home safe."

Where did that compassion for other human beings go? 

Is it because I am not that important of a person that if something bad were to happen to me no one would care?

Sometimes I feel like that.   Often these days.

I trudged past the other frats with the boys lingering outside. Just staring at me with their beer-glazed eyes.

Then it got dark. And quiet. Nothing but the noise of police sirens.

I hopped up the front steps to my door and walked up the stairs to my bedroom. Locked the door and prayed that nothing bad would happen while sleeping in my big, empty, house. With not a single roommate sleeping here but me.

Goodnight. 

ex oh

But Daddy I LOVE him!

Ok so maybe it's because of the red hair.

Or maybe it's because she's a princess.

Or because she lives under the sea, down where its wetter, down where its better.

But I LOVE the little mermaid.

I have little mermaid pens.

and pencils.

and a rug (daddy bought for me. its huge).

and stickers.

and coloring book.

and an ariel barbie.

ok like when i was three... I HAD AN ARIEL CAR.

sebastian was the horn. it was teal. the seats were hot pink.

i swear its all my parents fault. they should have never given me the movie when i was only 3 years old.  the obsession started then.

oh well.

love it. 

i want to be ariel for halloween!!!! :D 

ex oh ex 

kathleeeen

No One Knows.

I might as well give up.

I honestly don't know what's going on.

Sitting here in my room in silence, with the whole world buzzing outside my window. 

Fearing the rejection, I sit and grow weak.

You make me love you.

I hate the way you pull me closer.

Just to kick me back out.

I wake up blurry with my eyes glazed over.

This seems to be the reoccurring theme.

Love all around me.

It makes me sick.

I want what they have.

My heart starts to panic.

PINK SUGAR

Love that store.

Bought a dress. And a shirt.

Got some booze. and some cute shoes too. 

whoooooo.

ok no time to update. 

except... i love my new dollhouse.

:D 

bubye loves.

xx

Troop Radisson

Remember that amazing Disney movie, Troop Beverly Hills??

Well I am chilin in the Radisson hotel in a huge king bed and with a shower that has water pressure.

And eating a gondola from Avantis.

I think I'll permanently move in here.

I'd rather live in a tent.

I wake up this morning to find out that our water is not working. 

And two flooded toilets. 

And sticky red wine on the kitchen floor.

Oh, But they fixed my broken door by replacing it with this:

cute huh?

xox

Love Me or Hate Me. Either Way I'm On Your Mind.

Really?

I was living thousands of miles away in a foreign country all of last semester and come back to hear...

shane: "Yeah, Do you know Mary?"

kt: "Yes, I know her."

shane: "Oh yeaaah. Well anyways, she's not going to BU anymore. But hey, remember the time when she hated you so much? She would ask me if she was better looking than you."

kt: "Yes... I remember. However, she was always so nice to my face. Never once did I ever think she trashed talked me till I heard it through the grapevine. And it was because I liked the same boy she did, right?"

shane: "Yeah, that Aussie dude."

and END. 

Onto the next party of the night. Sig Chi.

Jack & I walk up the stairs to see Jade and I step inside the room and see a familiar boy's face.

He says, "Oh Hey!! Yeah, so I heard about the 1618 Fredonia issues. And I think it is bullshit."

(Agreeing with Brittany on this one. The spawn of Satan.)

kt: "You're right. It IS Bullshit. And none of your business." Followed by a forced fake smile.

Then I stand there in awkwardness while Jackie socializes amongst randoms I don't know all the while praying to leave the frat house. 

Sigh.

All I can say is.

Keep talkin shit. You're making me famous. 

but really. I thought high school ended 3 years ago. When does the drama stop?? 

Pretty Little Dollhouse

So by fluke. Emily has an extra room in her adorable house. It looks like a dollhouse. 

Every room is painted a pastel-like colour and it is very spacious. I love it. And hopefully by the end of the week I'll know if I can live there.

Keep your fingers crossed.

Ex Oh 

moi

Meryle & Craig.

My eyes burn and my hair is frizzy and the landlords are here and I just want to cry.

at least I have my owl. 

Don't Stop Talking to Me, I Haven't Been Listening

This operation's been abandoned once again. 

.....

The air is sweet and my feet tingle from numbness. I lay diagonal across my bed while listening to circa survive and the annoying hum of the rotating fan.   Somehow this has to get better.

I Don't Take No for an Answer

I called the English Department and the bitchy secretary was rude. 

KT: "I'm sorry, did I offend you in any way?"

B.S. (Bitchy Secretary): "Um, no... BUT I'M TELLING YOU THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT .. BLABLABLALAA..."

KT (interrupts): "That is fine, I understand you do not have the authority to put me in a class that is already full and wait listed but you do not have to be rude about it.  Thank you and have a nice day."

Click.  

Then I called the teachers. And when they didn't respond. I emailed them. Only one emailed me back telling me her classes were full and there wasn't enough computer space.

Ok fine.

On to the next professor. Robert DeGise. 

He calls me back and we chat. I persuade him with my awesome argumentative skills and he sympathizes for me. He cannot put me into an already beyond full class but tells me to contact the Chairmen of the English department. 

Which I do 2 minutes later.

Again, use my wit and charm and sure enough... after some persistence on his end ... he ends up putting me in the class I wanted.

WHOOHOO.

Today is a great day. 

xx

Lightbulb

In that moment I just knew

that you were an asshole.

And I walked away. 

And when do we stop fighting for what we want? How do we know they won't just give in?

Why would we want to force it? It should all come so easy. 

I hate that phrase, "Nobody said it would be easy, they just said it would be worth it."

Is it worth it?

If I were to add up and calculate how many seconds I've been happy and unhappy would it even out? Is it supposed to be even? Or have the good outweigh the bad?

No.

I think I'll stop trying. 

Because the seconds don't add up.

And its a shame, 'cause I was looking forward to seeing you again.

Let the world spin madly on. 

xo kt

She Should Have Quit Before She'd Written the Address

She sat on her floor in her messy room desperately searching for some glue and scissors.  All she could find was packaging tape and an empty stapler. 

With a carefully thought out plan, she grabbed the recent postcard from her top drawer and began to white out the address. Carelessly ripping the photocopied map into an almost perfect rectangle to place over the Lovers Leap mountain view from New Mexico, she then wrote down her secret.

Flipped it over. And tried to write in a fat red marker the address.. but it smudged. 

She grabbed a bank account statement letter and ripped off the bottom of it. Found a thin purple marker on the ground, and finished the task of writing the address.

She crept downstairs to the kitchen, slipped on her mothers flip flops and opened the front door.

The air felt nice against her warm skin.  She ran all the way to the mailbox and all the way back to her front door. Without looking back.

Hopefully people will read it soon. 

Ktruthless

Gav, Your My Hero.

I WAS SO FREAKING EXCITED

to see RTW Fall 08 Collections... including Gavin Douglas in the London Trends section on Elle.com

Why????

BECAUSE I WAS THERE.

Backstage fashion week baby. 

Don't believe me???? I took about oh... 200 pictures. Rome called me a camera whore (yet he secretly loved me for it because I took so many pictures of him).

Oh How I Miss London. 

The people. The fashion. The friends I made. The British men that bought me mojitos. 

Sigh. 

Send me back there already with an Amex Black Card and your name on it. 

ex oh 

Definitely, Maybe

Definitely: 

You don't die from a broken heart, you only wish you did.

Maybe:

Guys cry. 

Definitely:

Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, and you meant nothing to him.

Maybe:

He's gay.

Definitely: 

I wanna marry you because you're the first person that I wanna look at when I wake up in the morning and the only one I want to kiss goodnight. 

Maybe: 

The first time I saw these hands I couldn't imagine not being able to hold them. 

Definitely: 

Doesn't want to be forgotten.

Maybe:

She already is.

Definitely:

Your boyfriend's Shady he dates another girl named Katie, he loves her Definitely..

Maybe. 

You Seem So Out of Context

I've been having crazy dreams lately.

I wonder why that could be. 

ex oh

KTRUTHLESS